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[ Monday January 12, 2009 ] So I've been thinking a lot about what I'm afraid of recently (due to the question coming up a couple times in recent conversation.) I think that (within the realms of reason) the thing I'm most afraid of is the people I need not needing me back, or..losing connections with people who matter to me. I think it's a pretty valid fear to have. That happened in two really big ways in the past years, and I'm sure a number of smaller ones. And those points didn't ruin my life, because...well, for a lot of reasons. I guess, to sum it up, by the time they were over and done with, those bonds weren't something that..mattered, anymore. Whatever. Not the point. What they DID do is make me ridiculously more sensitive about this than I was before. I just wanted to express how utterly, insanely happy I am that there have also been at least two very significant points in the past year where I didn't lose my bonds with people: we got them fixed, and they're still here and strong and so important. I am so, so glad. It really bothers me to feel not connected to people--specifically, "my" people, if you're someone I care about, I want to feel in touch and bonded. Like even on the level of not having something to say to someone in an IM conversation, that bothers me a lot. I am actually a lot more--I don't think 'jealous' is quite the right word, but...nothing else comes to mind-- of my internet friends than I let on, because I usually don't feel like I have the...right, to demand attention from them? But it does matter a lot to me, any and every time we talk. And I hate the periods when we don't talk, or our conversation dries up fast, because then it scares me that we don't really have any significant bond. But I never want to say anything because then I'm paranoid that the feeling of having a bond is one-sided on my part. Did I say that I also over-think things? A lot? Anyway. Recently, I've felt very amazing and happy and connected, to--not totally everyone, but most. THANK YOU GUYS AND LET ME SEND YOU SOME LOVE AND SCHMOOP A LITTLE BIT MORE. ♥ ♥♥♥♥ 0

[ Sunday January 11, 2009 ] Because it was requested... Birthday wishlist ♥ ---> Paid time on LJ ---> [L on Threadless tees; if they don't have it, XL or guy's XS] http://www.threadless.com/product/1443/Colorblind ---> http://www.threadless.com/product/1523/When_The_Sun_Explodes --->http://www.threadless.com/product/1317/I_m_Waiting_For_You_In_The_Rain --->http://www.threadless.com/product/373/Time_Fades --->http://www.threadless.com/product/1083/Let_s_Go_Parasoling ---> The Mushishi anime [not necessarily all of it, but I don't have any of it, so starting with Disc 1. If there was any confusion XD] ---> Snow Patrol CD's [sans Final Straw] ---> Matchbox Twenty: Exile on Mainstream --->OH SHIT, IF ANYONE CAN FIND ME AN ALPHONSE MUCHA CALENDAR, THAT WOULD BE FABULOUS. IDK. This might not be complete. I dunno yet. I can never think of like anything. 5

[ Sunday January 11, 2009 ] SYD, BABY~ I am ridiculously craving The Pierces. Can I convince you to burn me their cd/swing by with it so I can rip it to my computer anytime soon? ♥ 2

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